He says wiiii, she says ugggg, I say DANCE-BAKE!

This weekend I turned the oven and the radio up to high and dance-baked my way around the kitchen. Dance-baking is the newest sensation of the holiday season/my life. First developed in my parent’s kitchen, it’s a guilt free, highly addictive activity with absolutely no cost. All damage from cookie dough consumption cancels itself out upon conclusion of a good music set. Last Sunday, while putting my talent to use rocking out to (what else????) Christmas classics, I received a very rude awakening.

“Christmas music ALREADY??” My dad exclaimed!
“Already?” I replied, clearly put out, “the season is more than half over! Its been practically a month since Starbucks rolled out the red cups, Warm 106.9 has been playing all-Christmas-all-the-time since mid-November, and don’t tell me you forgot our Black Friday outing to Fred Meyer for socks! In other news, Hanukkah starts TUESDAY!”

(At this point I was obviously, and rightfully so, exhausted from all the screaming/dance-baking)

Suffice to say my tirade proved him wrong, or at least shut him up, but I was left wondering, am I alone in all my holiday cheer? A highly scientific survey soon confirmed that I was. Fortunately I’m the kind of girl who sees her Starbucks Eggnog latte half full; while you are just diving into your holiday spirits I already know ALL about what’s sizzling hot this year. Allow me to share my knowledge.

HOTTTT

THE gift for him:
Wii– everyone, I mean EVERYONE wants a Nintendo Wii. I get the appeal; 3-D gaming is pretty much dance-baking for boys. Also, its the only way I’ll ever learn to bowl that perfect game. Looks like Nintendo’s rolled a strike.

THE gift for her:
Uggs- A grandma classic gone avant-garde, everyone from Oprah to my boss wants these crocheted Uggs. To me they look like adult bootees and/or really low leg warmers, but hey, how often do we get to combine comfort and fashion? I’ll take two pairs.

The do-gooder gift:
Kiva.org Gift Certificate- Calling all lazy givers! This year you can be socially responsible without putting ANY time into your gift! The certificates are credits for micro-lending to start-ups in developing nations. The recipient choses the borrower and follows their progress through email. Tip: bring handkerchiefs and prepare to get major points from Grandma… and Oprah.

THE holiday song:
“Ludacrismas” by Ludacris, from Fred Klaus– Here comes Santa Claus…… and his homies! Five words: Instant adult contemporary holiday classic. In a close second, and also my current ring tone: Ashley Tisdale’s “Last Christmas,” although I’m not sure I’ve ever heard a version of this song I don’t like. (Thanks Wham!, ‘Nsync, Cascada and others for years of solid work.)

THE Xmas DVD:
“High School Musical 2” - I could have picked “The Holiday,” or “Love Actually,” but whats more festive than teenagers singing and dancing on summer vacation? Due to Disney refusing to regularly replay this mega-hit, there are some of us (possibly just me, lets be honest), who don’t have it on DVR and have to wait till the Dec 11th drop to get “Fabulous” again with Sharpay. Is that so wrong?

Now get to that shopping! Afterwards hit me up, because Me + You + Dance-bake marathon= JOY

Teen Queen in the Nude

What in the world possessed Vanessa Anne Hudgens, High School Musical’s studious yet endearing Gabriella, to pose nude for a “friend?”

Also, why would she give anyone else access to it?????

Finally, after emailing this widely-considered-fake pic, why would she EVER allow her publicist to confirm its authenticity???????????

 

Simple. She wants out of High School Musical 3.

 

I have a couple of theories why…

 

1) By letting this photo leak the pigeon hole she’s nested in for the last two years breaks open, making room for juicier, more challenging adult roles. Baby V’s first feature film “Thirteen,” would typically lead her toward Indie appeal, not Disney fame. She’s totally sick of singing and dancing and ready for some grit and depth.

 

2) As the most successful recording artist among her HSM co-stars (she’s hawked over 500k albums in the US), Vanessa could be taking a cue from her blond-haired “Grease” predecessor. Olivia Newton John didn’t return for her sequel, instead pursuing music, “Let’s Get Physical!!!” However, surprise surprise, Vanessa’s management falls under the Disney umbrella as well. If they kick her out of the franchise will they also kick her out of the firm?

 

Whether her passion is music or movies it seems pretty clear the self-sabotaging photos are aimed to send her in a new direction, alone. Vanessa has been dating co-star Zac Efron since HSM 1 wrapped and has gone to great lengths to keep it out of the spotlight. The nude photo seems like a crafty way to change her image sans an Efron backlash.

 

Zac doesn’t have time for bad press. After premiering in the “Hairspray” remake this summer he is currently filming the re-make of “Footloose.” (Seems like somebody else may be pigeon-holed as well.) Will he too soon make a break from the Disney franchise ala John Travolta with “Grease” and become a bonafied movie star? Or is he ready to roll in the zero-heavy Disney paychecks forever?

 

Disney finds itself in a sticky situation. Fire Vanessa to separate them from her now tainted image and suffer the consequence of a second-rate threequel, or keep her around hoping the frenzy will blow over. I would choose the later; because once Ms. Hudgens exits so goes the dynamite chemistry that drew us in in the first place.

 

Vanessa is hoping she’ll get the ax. My guess is Disney will be singing, “Baby, Come Back to Me,” all the way to box office bankruptcy.

Disney is God

You know how it feels to have a great week? A happy-go-lucky, bright eyes, huge smile, jump-in-your-step sort of experience? Have you ever lived through seven days of absolute bliss?

Ok now multiply how you felt by a bajillion. THAT’s the sort of week Disney had.

Check out how they killed on the charts:

Billboard Album Sales

1. High School Musical 2 (613k sold) – BIGGEST DEBUT FOR TV MOVIE EVER
2. Hannah Montana 2- Meet Miley (82K sold)
8. Jonas Brothers (41K sold)
16. High School Musical (31K sold)
29. Plain White T’s (22k sold)

Nielsen Television Ratings

1. High School Musical 2 (17.2 million)- HIGHEST CABLE MOVIE EVER
2. Phineas & Ferb (10.8 million viewers)
4. Hannah Montana (10.7 million viewers) HIGHEST CABLE EPISODE EVER

Billboard Hot 100 Singles

4. Plain White T’s – Hey There Delilah
17. Jonas Brothers – S.O.S
33. High School Music 2- What Time Is It?
38. Zac Efron & Vanessa Anne Hudgens (HSM 2)- You Are the Music In Me

In completely, utterly and absolutely unrrelated news, Hannah Montana  had a cameo in High School Musical 2 and the Jonas Brothers appeared on the episode of Hannah Montana airing after the movie’s television premiere.

I think the title says it all.

Disney Channel Original Movies: Concentrated Happiness

      

All young adults can name their favorite Disney Channel Original Movie on the spot. (That’s DCOM to those of you who are a little more sophisticated) Popular answers: “Brink!,” “Xenon: Girl of the 21st Century,” “Motocrossed” or “Johnny Tsunami”. Anybody else just have major flashbacks reading those names?

This grand tradition of made-for-TV movies began when I was ten years old and delighted me then like it delights today’s tweens. The feel-good consistency and strong values of a DCOM can hardly be matched in entertainment. They transport you back to your sixth grade self, listening to the Spice Girls and eying your mom’s new (and HUGE) cell phone. You’re just past your stretch-pants/big t-shirt and baggy jean/flannels phase, and have no idea that the boy-band-breakthrough is around the corner. Entertainment needs are simple, and the DCOM meets them beautifully.

In 2006, not unlike the forgotten trend of stretch pants, Disney’s formulaic films blasted out of the folds of nostalgia by taking  the most innovative step in Disney channel history. They set the story to song, and in doing so created the perfect DCOM. In 2006′s “High School Musical,” children, teens, and adults all collectively fell in love with Troy and Gabrielle’s wistful puppy love and dreams of “breaking free.” Society caught the tune that us young adults had been singing since the 90′s.

This week the tradition has catapulted to all new levels with the television premiere of the equally musically delicious sequel: “High School Musical (HSM) 2″. After the original exploded, the industry fully expected the success of “HSM 2″ to shatter all former records, and it did just that bringing in an unprecedented 17.2 million viewers last Friday night. The teenage headliners are now seen as film stars and recording artists instead of niche sitcom actors. HSM is so huge that the third release in 2008 will be in theatres. In fact, google “mainstream” and you’ll hit all the one-word-wonders, Paris, Idol,  MTV, Greys, Pirates, and now, HSM.

It’s victory should be noted not just as a testament to the quality of the addicting HSM franchise, but as the triumph of an underdog, because despite the tornado of publicity, DCOMs have stayed refreshingly close to their roots. Down from a high of twelve original releases in 2000, production continues on four this year. When I’m feeling nostalgic and retro cellphones won’t fulfill the itch I just set my DVR.

Party at my house, you bring “Spiceworld,” I’ll rent “Brink!”.  Stretch pants required.

HSM Countdown… 5 days

I forgot the simple and well-known fact that a musical tells it’s story through it’s songs.

Therefore, if you don’t want to know the basic storyline of High School Musical 2 (although you’ve probably guessed the formula), do NOT do what I did and listen to the leaked soundtrack on the internet. I will tell you that it’s clean, fun, and brimming with bubble-gum sweetness. Aka its everything it should be and more. Entertainment Weekly gives it a solid B+.

The HSM 2 soundtrack comes out officially on Tuesday, just in time for Friday’s premiere on the Disney Channel. A few songs have already been released. Check out, “What Time is It?” to get you pumped.

Sales estimate: 500k+ first week, #1 on Billboard 200. You probably think that number is ridicuculous, well I think it’s conservative. I see it going at least 3x platinum by Christmas and outselling its predecessor, faster.

You’re NEVER too old to love Disney…. probably.

*(Sigh)

20-something ladies of America give a collective sigh this week as we pop in our Mean Girls DVDs and reminisce about the good ‘ol days. Remember when Lindsay merely drank recreationally, Britney was “toxic” on the airwaves NOT around her children, and Nicole had a baby bump from rehab instead of pregnancy?

Even the new new young hollywood is a disaster…. Rumer Willis (party-child of Bruce and Demi) was caught in a drug bust this week while working on an Indie flick and Hayden Panettiere (that “Heroes” cheerleader) has been seen in and out of clubs like Les Deux or Teddys only a month before she’s legal (and not even 21 legal, we’re talking barely-old-enough-to-buy-cigarettes 18 legal!)

What can America possibly do to overcome this? How can we all, in our varying states of hollywood depression regain the care-free smiles from watching Season 1 of “The Simple Life,” or our innocent curiosity over pre-Diaz-Biel Timberlake and pre-crazy-mom Spear’s popstar relationship?

4 words………….. High School Musical 2

Seriously, have you ever seen a Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens sex-tape? This young couple on-screen and off have made headlines only for holding hands at the beach, not throwing tantrums at Hyde.

How about Ashley Tisdale? She’s 22, (older than Lindsay) and known for her You Tube fan videos and starring role on “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody,” but have you ever seen her mug shot? Of course not, it doesn’t exist yet.

Instead of wrap sheets these mini-moguls have Disney-fied acting chops and recording contracts. In fact the orginal HSM soundtrack has sold over 3.8 million copies since it’s 2006 release, just a few more than Paris’ self-titled debut of 165 thousand. Is it cheesy? Certainly. But after a dose of “We’re Breaking Free,” one can’t help but smile at the romantic simplicity of sharing a duet instead of a joint.

I say stop clicking on those depressing Lilo headlines and join me in counting down to the HSM2 premiere on August 17th. I’ll take Disneyland over Wonderland ANY day.