Hey MTV: Play More Videos!

Well….. she finished.

That’s all I can say about Britney’s lackluster appearance at Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards. It was more like a lazy walk-through in her underwear and the worst hair extensions known to man than a performance. Usually a performer bothers to lip-sync, or god forbid actually sing. Before the show, another new song leaked and it is fierce, but without some effort at the gym, hair salon, and with her psychiatrist Brit won’t even make it to her own Nov 13th release date.

Also dropping in November is the new Alicia Keys. She actually showed up for work last night bringing down the house to her single, “No One.” Another highlight came from Chris Brown’s Michael Jackson-esque routine across a sick stage made out of the audience tables. You know the VMAs suck when the best part is whats UNDER the performer’s feet. Chris, however, killed it.

The idea for this year’s awards was good. Move them to Vegas, party hard in the suites and gamble away the money from this summer’s arena tour. Let me tell you I’d have given my right pointer finger to attend JT & Timbo’s Southern Hospitality party. JT was the big man of the night. He walked away with two moonmen and closed the show that Brit barely opened with style. He even took a jab at MTV, challenging them to play more videos and less “Simpsons” (aka Ashlee and Jessica) reality shows. Ouch. Especially since the stars of “The Hills” presented him with the award. Now that’s funny. Take a cue Ms. Silverman.

Hot: JT, Timbo, Nelly Furtado, Kanye West, Chris Brown, Alicia Keys.

Not: BRITNEY, Sara Silverman, Rihanna (although she rocked out to “Shut Up and Drive” and her dress was to-die), Nicole from PCD, L’il Mama, and last but certainly not least…..the MTV VMA’s 2007.

MUSICmakers

Jordin Sparks: “Tattoo” is terrific! Blake Lewis has the pizzaz but the American Idol winner has sure got pipes. The 17 year old released her debut single to radio stations yesterday and it’s simplistically catchy. Reminiscent of “Walk Away,” by Kelly Clarkson Paula Deanda, this harmless debut will likely walk-its-way to the mid-teens of the Hot 100 and stall like its musical predecessor. Love the single, but I think Jordin should go a little more country, and a little less Disney. Although God bless Disney.

Britney Spears: Mousketeer turns comeback kid??? The former queen of pop is slated to release her first single next week since 2005′s “Do Something.” “Gimme More” is up-beat and produced by Timbaland’s right hand man, Nate (Danjahandz) Hills. No word on the quality, but its unlikely even Timbo himself could help this mess. Word is she’ll be singing at the VMAs… And I use the word “sing” loosely. Lets hope she’s at least lucid. (UPDATE! I LOVE THE NEW SONG)

Amy Winehouse: She was seen walking out of a hotel with the hubby displaying bloody wrists, forehead, and ankles last Friday. Still no rehab… Call me Britney crazy but going on “vacation” isn’t going to do the job. The Caribbean may be better than rehab… But so is staying ALIVE. All American performances have been cancelled so she can “heal” on the beach.

Lance Bass: The question is, do we actually care if Lance likes/hates New York? Does it matter if he thinks the Gotham City has no style? YES. New Yorkers to Lance: YOU have no style. New York magazine adds that Lance, “was indeed the worst dancer in ‘Nsync.” Word.

Rihanna: Congratulations! If it’s true you bagged Shia LaBeouf I admit you do have excellent taste in at least one thing. Love Shia, hate Rihanna, BUT, I love Shia more than I hate Rihanna. Wasn’t “Even Stevens” the GREATEST?

Pete Doherty: Is he in jail or rehab? I can’t keep track. Either way, in a month he’ll still be on drugs, will make up/break up with Kate at least twice, and I’ll remain unable to name a single Babyshambles song.

electro-funk-soul-pop-licious

Insatiable. That’s the only way to describe my appetite for Blake Lewis music. That and undying, never-ending, and incalculable. I literally can’t get enough.

Fortunately his new album, tentatively titled “A.D.D” (Audio Day Dream), is set to drop Thanksgiving weekend. Industry hype sees it poised to turn heads and conquer charts. Blake proved his musical originality and skill in front of 30 million Americans on last spring’s American Idol 6 and we’re all hungry for more of his “electro-funk-soul-pop” sound.

Lewis told chron.com in mid-July, “I’ve got a track that’s very Erasure-sounding, a track that’s Sting-meets-Neverending Story and a track that’s very electro-poppy Depeche Mode. It’s all over the map.” Collaborators include BT, Doug E Fresh, 4th place finisher Chris Richardson, Gnarls Barkley, and Will.i.am.

On August 24th E! Online got the scoop from Arista Records. “Blake has a strong music sensibility and knows who he is and what his music should represent,” said Clive Davis, chairman and CEO of BMG Label Group, Arista’s parent. “His collaborators are all knocked out by him.”

Well all seems gravy in Blake Lewis’ world….. Almost…

Arista also mentioned the album’s producers, S*A*M & Sluggo (who?), Ryan “Alias” Tedder (A Timbaland pal= score), and Jonathan “JR” Rotem. You may know JR from his blink-and-you-missed-it stint as a Britney boy-toy and as a producer on hits for…. prepare yourself….

Rihanna and Sean Kingston!

No wonder I hate them both. They have the SAME producer.

It’s also worth noting that they share him with Kevin Federline. Rotem produced Fed-ex’s “hit” 2006 album “Playing With Fire,” and by “hit” I mean I’d rather hit myself in the face than listen to that garbage-with-a-beat.

Rottem’s work has had chart success, but there’s a precedent for bad music selling well. Have you ever thought of the “Macarana,” by Los Del Rio, and pretty much ANYTHING done by Sean Paul as great music? It’s good for a dance party but void of substance, innovation, taste, unique flavor…

I have faith that Blake’s artistic vision will ultimately prevail above even the most irritating producer’s musings. He’s too talented to be brought down by mediocrity or sell out to the “Beautiful Girl” recipe. Come November, Blake’s serving up a beat-boxing billboard breakthrough that will top the charts on its own merit.

Delicious. I know I’ll be back for seconds.

Not to rain on your parade…

No Perez, “Umbrella” is NOT the song of the summer.

Hey TMZ, when you call it the undisputed summer song of 2007  you’re wrong.

Jeeez

For informational purposes, I’ve provided you with  a short list of 2007 Hot 100 #1 songs that are better (and why):

• “Irreplaceable” Beyonce (addicting, but not irritating)
• “What goes around… Comes around” Justin Timberlake (deliciously spiteful)
• “Say It Right” Nelly Furtado (cool as hell)
• “This is Why I’m Hot” MIMS (simplistic yet true message)
• “Glamorous” Ferge (fabulous and fun)
• “Give it to me” Timbaland (turns my car into a dance hall EVERY TIME)
• “Makes Me Wonder” Maroon 5 (so singable)
• “Hey There Delilah” Plain White T’s (lovely and real)

However it is not the worst song either, “Umbrella” is better than the following 2007 number #1s:

• “Don’t Matter” Akon (blahhh)
• “Girlfriend” Avril (Avril sucks, duh)
• “Buy U a Drank” T-pain (At least Rihanna can spell…)
• “Beautiful Girls” Sean Kingston (RUINED sample of “Stand by Me”)

So from my count it comes in as the 9th “best” song of the year……

And Perez, in my opinion the real song of the summer hasn’t even hit #1 yet:

(no surprise here)

1. “The Way I Are” Timbaland (incredible – incredible – incredible)

 Did I mention it’s INCREDIBLE? (Check out the FRENCH remix!)

surfing the charts

Hot shot Kanye’s “Stronger” is ALREADY up to #6 on the Billboard Hot 100, a dramatic airplay gain from #47 last week. He’s easily poised to enter the top 5 in August like I predicted and then some. I would love to see Timba/Kanye at 1 and 2. The “Stronger” video was nominated for the “video of the year” MTV VMA yesterday. Kanye picked up four nods in total including, “Male Artist of the Year.” Lets hope he loses and goes off like he did at the ’06 MTV Europe Music Awards. Awesome. Set your tivos! (sept 9th)

Carrie’s new tune debuted at #20 on the country charts. No doubt it’s going straight to the top. “So Small” combines the true country soul she displayed in “Jesus Take the Wheel,” and the cross-over mass-market appeal of of “Before he cheats” and wraps it up in a message of “love conquers all.” This song is going to be so NOT small. It’s going to be huge, Jordin Sparks huge.

Timba’s “song of the summer” raises one notch to #4 and pushes Sean Kingston’s gf to #5 which brings me great joy. Its all about the small victorys in life.

Sean, however, is still #1. His  second single also debuted well at #23 and his album his stores this week in the top ten. This is wrong on so many levels. It’s like someone proclaiming britney spears is a sane person, that would be a stupid thing to say. Sean’s success is just that, stupid…. Also silly, needless, dumb, wrong, unnecesary…..

manic music monday

Hate it or love it

I love Daft Punk, and now in association I love Kanye West. I’m obsessed with the dance-tastic “Stronger,” off his next album “Graduation,” Kanyes’ europop follow-up to “Late Registration.” If you’re going to sample, might as well sample something fabulous like Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.” I predict it will climb into the top 5 of the Billboard Hot 100 this August.

Anybody else hate “Beautiful Girls” by Sean Kingston? He is the male Rihanna, but with even LESS talent. Jurys out on who is skankier. Maybe they’ll get together and make the worst album of all time. (Tidbit: Rihanna was born in 1988 and Sean in 1990! Doesn’t that make you feel really really old?)

Making Music History This Fall…

New Timbaland pairings in the works! The mega-producer/platinum-artist can hand pick his match-ups these days. Have you ever heard of a certain songstress named Celine? How about Madonna? Timba’s in the studio with both. I’m more excited for these hits-in-the-making than as I was for ‘Nsync’s “Pop” release in 2001. Oh yes, we’re talking boyband-frenzy kind of anticipation.

Carrie Underwood’s first single off her sophomore effort, “So Small” (and also her first writing credit!) is everything a country song should be. I see it beating out Chesney for the top-spot on the country charts this summer, and crossing over into the top 20 of the popworld on the Hot 100. Can you say multiplatinum five times fast? Her October release is going to KILL.

Blake Lewis. Just wait. That’s all.

Last Words

Timba’s “Way I Are,” is THE song of the summer. Period. The end. No question. Fact.

1 Point World, 0 Points Rihanna

It’s amazing we even get out of bed anymore.   Every morning it’s the same; more death, more destruction, more hurting. Among this perma-chaos I’m proud to share some good news, hell, great news! I think it’s obvious what I’m getting at….

Rihanna’s “Umbrella” reign has finally ended. AKA, The world is a better place.

Two weeks ago Rihanna finally lost the US top-spot to the indie-fab Plain White T’s’ “Hey there Delilah,” but it wasn’t until last week that this uber-diva  fell from her 10-week rule atop europop heaven, the United Kingdom. Unfortunately her tiresome single held the pole-position long enough to set the UK singles record for the 21st century. I take comfort only in the fact that she’s always holding some kind of pole.

It’s no secret that I openly detest her. She’s a skanky ho with no musical originality or taste. Case in point, that porn video excuse for a performance at the VMAs. Beyonce called, she wants her style back…. and while you’re at it, her boyfriend too.  

Replacing “Umbrella”  in the UK this week is Timbaland’s genius, “Way I Are,” featuring Keri Hilson. Now that electro-pop-licious piece of music-gold deserves #1. The beat is sick and the lyrics are actually words.  Little known fact: “Ella Ella Ella, eh eh ehhh” is NOT english.

It’s also worthy noting that Timbo is less skanky than Rihanna, but really, who isn’t?

Rihanna or rehab? Check me in to Betty Ford!