MUSICmakers: “Spice Up Your Life!”

Spice Girls making “Headlines” again

“Holler!” They’re back! The Spice Girls graced Vancouver, Canada with the first “Stop” in their world reunion tour last Sunday night. Not mere “Wannabe”s the five-sum proved they still got natural talent… or at least natural assets looking fab in Cavalli. Wish I’d gone “2 Become 1″ again with my former fifth grade self! Ginger, Posh, Sporty, Scary, and Baby are coming soon to a city near you! (Unless you live in Seattle…. they’re not coming here)…. so buy a ticket to LA and “Say You’ll Be There!”

On a completely unrelated note, I suddenly have the urge to go to Blockbuster and rent “Spice World.” Ok…. this is “Too Much.”

The former Boy Banders NO ONE cares about

They’re all over gossip columns this week, and I can’t help but not care at all…. Chris Kirkpatrick (‘Nsync) falsettos in two of Blake Lewis’ new songs off of “Audio Day Dream.” That’s two more feature spots than he had on 2001′s “Celebrity” album…… Howie Dorough (BSB) marries longtime sweetheart (Insert name here) in Miami to little, nay, zero fanfare…. Nick Carter (BSB) is fat AGAIN, which I admittedly do find humor in…. Lance Bass (‘Nsync) is on broadway in “Hairspray” which makes A LOT of sense…… and finally Nick Lachey (98 Degrees) is still dating Vanessa “dirty knife Lilo pictures” Minnillo and they somehow grabbed the cover of OK! this week. In other news, OK! magazine has their lowest sales of the year….

6 Nods go to Winehouse….

Screw the six grammy nominations, even if someone physically nodded at her it’s unlikely she could open her eyes and nod back, let alone stay lucid long enough to show up to Kodak Theatre in February. Note to Amy Winehouse, you know you’re in bad shape when your mom pulls a Michael Lohan circa July ’07 and reaches out to you through an open letter in the tabloids. At the risk of overusing a cliche…. GO GO GO to Rehab!

Supermodel super sucks

Might as well start churning the butter, because Seal is totally whipped! Why else would this Grammy winner be so misguided to let his wife think she has any vocal talent at all? Heidi Klum does two things really well, walk the runway, and say “Auf Wiedersehen” in a cute German accent at the end of her Bravo reality show. Things she sucks at: singing duets at the Victoria Secret fashion show, singing “Santa Baby,” on Victoria Secret commercials, SINGING.

On Sale in Seatown!

Our own Blake Lewis has plans to hit up the Showbox on December 20th!!! Tix go on sale TOMORROW – $15. If you need me next Thursday, I’ll be the girl in the bar with the melted heart. This Idol-addict literally CAN’T WAIT.

Also notably headlining the Showbox this winter is the one and only Mika. He’ll be showing off his Freddie Mercury-esque vocals on Valentine’s Day. If you have a date and they don’t want to take you, well, that’s a deal breaker. Let them down easy before it gets serious. Tix go on sale Dec 15th.

And you are?!?!?

It seems like today’s music industry is monopolized by heavy hitters. Every other song is a product of American Idol or Def Jam. Refreshingly, the following group of unknowns have hits ranging from#3 to #11 on this week’s Billboard Hot 100 chart. Today I find myself wondering, “who the hell are you??????”

Here’s what I found out:

Keri Hilson: (#3) Featured on Timbaland’s mega hit single, “The Way I Are,” this seasoned songstresss has been in the circuit since 2001, writing and singing backup for a whose-who of modern recording artists including Britney, Usher, and Diddy. Following the road paved by Ne-Yo’s songwriter transition to stardom, she’s currently recording her solo debut with Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. Lucky for her the Timba, JT, and $$$ cycle is the closest to a sure thing since Lindsay, coke, and rehab. Just like the nurses likely said as Lindsay left Promises, “We’ll definitely see her again.”

Plies: (#9) This “Shawty” artist was the original rapper on Akon and Snoop Dogg’s #1 hit “I Wanna Love You,” but lost the gig to Snoop after charges of illegal possession of a weapon hurt his reputation (but not his street cred). The charges were filed after his entourage opened random fire on the audience of a Florida show. With that kind of tendency toward violence he should go on tour with “loose-canon” Akon and we can all collectively NOT attend the show together. Proving that craziness sells (case in point, Britney Spears), Plies’ album debuted at #2 this week, selling just under 100k copies.

Hurricane Chris: (#10) 18 year old Shreveport, Louisiana native, Chris Dooley was inspired by chanting at a DJ Hollyhood Bay Bay concert into molding the phrase “A Bay Bay” into Shreveport’s version of the popular slang “fo sho.” (Somebody please explain the correlation to me…) Apparently ATL’s Collipark got it. He signed the Hurricane to J Records this year, and “A Bay Bay” the single is in the top ten on Billboard. In other news Shreveport calls popular “hyphy” or “crunk” music by the name “ratchet.” WTF?

Soulja boy: (#11) Apparently teenage rappers are the new pink. 17 year old Soulja’s “Crank That” jumped to #11 after only 5 weeks charting. Rapping since the age of 9, Soulja moved from Atlanta to Mississippi to live with his dad and kickstart his career. “I took the hood to where the money was at” he explains. Soulja perfected his sound and returned to his mom at 15 where he too was signed by Mr. Collipark, “I was like I gotta get my momma out of this right here.” He did just that. Of his first performance he says “The show was so crunk that I was worried about doing a wack show.” Ok, wack and crunk I understand. Maybe Soulja could translate for Hurricane??? A Bay Bay.

To recap: Timbo’s taking Keri to the top, Plies is angry like Akon, Hurricane Chris speaks his own language, and Soulja Boy is a momma’s boy.

Let’s get it ratchet!