My name is Kristen….. and I am an Idol-addict

I love countdowns. 17 days until Christmas, 117 until my 22nd birthday (frightening), and finally and most importantly, 38 days until Ryan Seacrest inaugurates season 7 of American Idol.

It’s hard to believe 6 months have already passed since Jordin Sparks swept past Blake Lewis to take the crown in America’s most popular reality program. Every week Jordin sparkled with huge talent and tremendous height. Literally. Next to her, Ryan looks like a white Gary Coleman, with a much less funny catch phrase.

Jordin’s self-title debut hit shelves on November 20th. I’m a HUGE fan of “No Air” featuring Chris Brown, and her single “Tattoo” which impressively hit #11 on Billboard Thursday. She debuted in 10th place her first week, and although that’s much lower than past idols, the quality of her singles point toward tremendous staying power.

Jordin is fabulous, but let’s be honest, I’ve been a proud Blaker Girl since week two of last years competition. That week Bothell native Blake Lewis raced off the starting line with Keane’s “Somewhere only we know,” and America’s hearts collectively melted. Exhibit A. my heart. Exhibit B. the popular facebook group “Blake Lewis Makes Me Melt.”

I’ve always believed that he has the ability to make music like nothing on the radio and create a whole new Blakealicoius genre. On December 4th he proved this destiny through “Audio Day Dream.” My first impression, “umm, this is pop music…..” My second thought, “oh yeah, I love pop music!!!”

Blake’s debut is wonderful, however it’s not “like nothing on the radio,” in fact it’s like a lot of things on the radio. On some tracks I would call it Switchfoot meets Savage Garden, on others it’s Prince meets OTown. I even occasionally hear a little spurt of early ‘Nsync and feel some modern vibes from the likes of Hellogoodbye and Snow Patrol. It’s a hodge podge album, a “mixed tape,” as he calls it, with influences from those current stars as well as old timers. In fact, 1929′s “Puttin’ on the Ritz” inspired the dancetastic “Gots to get ‘em.” Wrap your mind around all those musicians and genres, throw in some Beat-boxing, and you’ve got “Audio Day Dream” in a nutshell.

I thought A.D.D would change pop music, much like Timbaland and Timerlake have done in the last year with electronic influences, but it does not. Instead it gives a new spin on whats already been done. Blake certainly proves his musical finesse and delivers on some amazing tracks that have hit potential. Check out “Know my Name” featuring Lupe Fiasco, “How Many Words,” or the anthem of the season, “I Got U.”

iPod showdown:
Blake Lewis: 32 plays
Jordin Sparks: 25 plays
Winner: Me

This idol-addict is satisfied with 2007 but can’t wait for 2008. Who isn’t pumped to watch Paula on qualudes, Randy say “Yo, Dawg,” and Simon and Ryan overtly flirt for the cameras???? Tuesday January 15th will be a great day. A great great day. Just 38 more and counting….

Note to Ryan: “Whatcha talkin bout Willis??????” beats “And this is American Idol” everytime.

kanye, curtis and kenny

Let me tell you, Itunes blew up my email account last week. “Your pre-order is available for download…. Your pre-order is available for download….” Like I would forget to download the albums I’ve been waiting for all summer. Hardly.

At the end of the day, top honors go to Kanye West.

He is probably the worlds sorest loser and most habitually outspoken rap artist. Still, you gotta hand it to him, his outspoken music is groundbreaking and if he’s a sore loser, its not undeserved. This week he’s a winner where it counts. His second album, “Graduation”is #1 selling 971k copies, proving he is “Stronger” than the competition. His single of that name took the top spot and the new tune “Good Life,” also debuted impressively at #14.

50 Cent, who infamously promised to bow out of the solo spotlight if he lost the hyped head-to-head has not made a comment yet about his failure. On the other hand, just under 700k copies of “Curtis” flying off the shelves is not something to cry over. He may already have stumbled through three mediocre singles but, “Ayo Technology” with Justin “the savior” Timberlake is hitworthy. I’ve officially been converted, just call me “New Age.”

Third place and still strong goes to Kenny Chesney, country heart throb and former hubby to Renee Zellweger. I’m a big fan of “Wife and Kids,” a heart-breaking tribute to what he’s yet to accomplish in his life. Another winner for the most attractive bald man in the business.

In the world of 99 cent iTunes songs and AOL streaming music, its refreshing to watch the album make a comeback. Combined the three music studs sold almost two million records. Thats two million cd’s this week that people actually PAYED for. With real dollars and/or paypal clicks. Incredible.

The fall looks promising for music. I’m talking about you Celine, Mariah and Madonna.

Go ahead iTunes, fill up my inbox. I’m game.

Hey MTV: Play More Videos!

Well….. she finished.

That’s all I can say about Britney’s lackluster appearance at Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards. It was more like a lazy walk-through in her underwear and the worst hair extensions known to man than a performance. Usually a performer bothers to lip-sync, or god forbid actually sing. Before the show, another new song leaked and it is fierce, but without some effort at the gym, hair salon, and with her psychiatrist Brit won’t even make it to her own Nov 13th release date.

Also dropping in November is the new Alicia Keys. She actually showed up for work last night bringing down the house to her single, “No One.” Another highlight came from Chris Brown’s Michael Jackson-esque routine across a sick stage made out of the audience tables. You know the VMAs suck when the best part is whats UNDER the performer’s feet. Chris, however, killed it.

The idea for this year’s awards was good. Move them to Vegas, party hard in the suites and gamble away the money from this summer’s arena tour. Let me tell you I’d have given my right pointer finger to attend JT & Timbo’s Southern Hospitality party. JT was the big man of the night. He walked away with two moonmen and closed the show that Brit barely opened with style. He even took a jab at MTV, challenging them to play more videos and less “Simpsons” (aka Ashlee and Jessica) reality shows. Ouch. Especially since the stars of “The Hills” presented him with the award. Now that’s funny. Take a cue Ms. Silverman.

Hot: JT, Timbo, Nelly Furtado, Kanye West, Chris Brown, Alicia Keys.

Not: BRITNEY, Sara Silverman, Rihanna (although she rocked out to “Shut Up and Drive” and her dress was to-die), Nicole from PCD, L’il Mama, and last but certainly not least…..the MTV VMA’s 2007.

Is Crazy back “In the Zone?”

First of all it should be stressed that one can never underestimate Britney Spears’ uncanny ability to sabotage her career.

Having said that, save major meltdown #574 the artist formerly known as Crazy is poised to have an excellent autumn. After repeated listening, “Gimme More,” is wildly contagious. I love it! It’s “In the Zone” – “Toxic” Britney reinvented. Though this is just the beginning, I have a feeling Danja and B could be the new Timbo and JT….. Ok, that’s impossible, but they could come close.

“Cold As Fire” also leaked last week, and though the chorus is a little irritating, ten points for innovation. What it lacks in lyrics it makes up for in style. (Sort of like Hilary Duff’s “Gypsy Woman“) Britney seems to have somehow developed a new dance-tastic sound in between serving her mother with papers and peeing with the door open at the OK Magazine shoot.  Anyone else assume her comeback would consist of recycled PCD material and scores of stripper poles???

One thing’s for sure, the public is hungry for the former queen of pop to regain her throne. By Friday “Gimme More” had already jumped to #80 on radio airplay. The Hot 100 will be a steeper climb, but I can see this hit-in-the-making breaking into the top ten in September.

I’m watching two key indicators on the Brit comeback. 1) She performs the single on next Sundays VMAs and doesn’t collapse on stage in her own craziness. She doesn’t even have to kill, just finish. 2) She makes some kind of amends with her family. Not Kev, I’m talking about Lynn. I feel like she needs her mama to remind her that she’s fit to perform at madison square garden, not the trailer park social.

“It’s Britney bitch.” Welcome back.

Emmys Go Idol

Watch out Sutherland and Ferrera, you’re about to upstaged by the likes of Timberlake and Winehouse. Variety reports that the 59th annual Primetime Emmys will incorporate (as of yet unnamed) musical performances to celebrate television at its best.

After all, there’s nothing like the new Kanye jam to remind us of classic TV moments like that one scene in “Entourage” when Johnny accidentally sets the Hollywood mayor up with a transvestite. Two words: Emmy worthy.

Furthering the musical trend, Fox has bagged the biggest name in show business to host. I’m not referring to comedic heavyweights like Conan or Ellen, I’m obviously talking about the one and only Ryan. Ryan Seacrest (not a joke).

To be fair he does have hosting experience. Ryan currently leads the morning radio show “On Air with Ryan Seacrest”, “E! News Daily,” “American Idol,” AND is involved in a plethora of other projects including the halftime show of this years Super bowl (not a joke either), and last years Rockin’ New Years Eve. He even finds the time to fly to France for the Longoria/Parker nuptials and frolic on the beach with Teri Hatcher. This ridiculousness leads me toward two theories, that A) He’s a robot, or B) There are secretly three Ryan Secreasts. Honestly is there anything this guy doesn’t do????

Oh yes, that’s right- he doesn’t do comedy.

Ryan is really only good for a Simon quip and Paula jab. We know him for championing Lakisha when Simon’s rudeness goes to far, not delivering a gut-busting monologue. He’s more friendly than funny, sweet than sarcastic, welcoming than witty. Although I concede his self-mocking cameo on this spring’s hit, “Knocked Up,” wasn’t without comedic merit.

So will he succeed, or will we be forced to watch a stale Idol-esque 3 hour telecast that announces its winners “after this break”? Seacrest does acknowledge he’s no standup and suggests that his hosting will be more, “about elevating everyone on their night…. I’m not going to pretend to be something I’m not. I plan to honor the class and the heritage of the Emmy.”

All this talk of “honor” and “heritage” reminds me a little too much of that awful 30 minutes when the president of so-and-so thanks the academy of what’s-it-called, and we all head to the kitchen to make nachos.

If the Emmys lack laughter I for one will honor the triple-fast-forward on my DVR more than the nominees…… unless that transvestite scene pulls out a statue for “Entourage.” I love that Kanye song. It’s catchy.

And you are?!?!?

It seems like today’s music industry is monopolized by heavy hitters. Every other song is a product of American Idol or Def Jam. Refreshingly, the following group of unknowns have hits ranging from#3 to #11 on this week’s Billboard Hot 100 chart. Today I find myself wondering, “who the hell are you??????”

Here’s what I found out:

Keri Hilson: (#3) Featured on Timbaland’s mega hit single, “The Way I Are,” this seasoned songstresss has been in the circuit since 2001, writing and singing backup for a whose-who of modern recording artists including Britney, Usher, and Diddy. Following the road paved by Ne-Yo’s songwriter transition to stardom, she’s currently recording her solo debut with Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. Lucky for her the Timba, JT, and $$$ cycle is the closest to a sure thing since Lindsay, coke, and rehab. Just like the nurses likely said as Lindsay left Promises, “We’ll definitely see her again.”

Plies: (#9) This “Shawty” artist was the original rapper on Akon and Snoop Dogg’s #1 hit “I Wanna Love You,” but lost the gig to Snoop after charges of illegal possession of a weapon hurt his reputation (but not his street cred). The charges were filed after his entourage opened random fire on the audience of a Florida show. With that kind of tendency toward violence he should go on tour with “loose-canon” Akon and we can all collectively NOT attend the show together. Proving that craziness sells (case in point, Britney Spears), Plies’ album debuted at #2 this week, selling just under 100k copies.

Hurricane Chris: (#10) 18 year old Shreveport, Louisiana native, Chris Dooley was inspired by chanting at a DJ Hollyhood Bay Bay concert into molding the phrase “A Bay Bay” into Shreveport’s version of the popular slang “fo sho.” (Somebody please explain the correlation to me…) Apparently ATL’s Collipark got it. He signed the Hurricane to J Records this year, and “A Bay Bay” the single is in the top ten on Billboard. In other news Shreveport calls popular “hyphy” or “crunk” music by the name “ratchet.” WTF?

Soulja boy: (#11) Apparently teenage rappers are the new pink. 17 year old Soulja’s “Crank That” jumped to #11 after only 5 weeks charting. Rapping since the age of 9, Soulja moved from Atlanta to Mississippi to live with his dad and kickstart his career. “I took the hood to where the money was at” he explains. Soulja perfected his sound and returned to his mom at 15 where he too was signed by Mr. Collipark, “I was like I gotta get my momma out of this right here.” He did just that. Of his first performance he says “The show was so crunk that I was worried about doing a wack show.” Ok, wack and crunk I understand. Maybe Soulja could translate for Hurricane??? A Bay Bay.

To recap: Timbo’s taking Keri to the top, Plies is angry like Akon, Hurricane Chris speaks his own language, and Soulja Boy is a momma’s boy.

Let’s get it ratchet!

Not to rain on your parade…

No Perez, “Umbrella” is NOT the song of the summer.

Hey TMZ, when you call it the undisputed summer song of 2007  you’re wrong.

Jeeez

For informational purposes, I’ve provided you with  a short list of 2007 Hot 100 #1 songs that are better (and why):

• “Irreplaceable” Beyonce (addicting, but not irritating)
• “What goes around… Comes around” Justin Timberlake (deliciously spiteful)
• “Say It Right” Nelly Furtado (cool as hell)
• “This is Why I’m Hot” MIMS (simplistic yet true message)
• “Glamorous” Ferge (fabulous and fun)
• “Give it to me” Timbaland (turns my car into a dance hall EVERY TIME)
• “Makes Me Wonder” Maroon 5 (so singable)
• “Hey There Delilah” Plain White T’s (lovely and real)

However it is not the worst song either, “Umbrella” is better than the following 2007 number #1s:

• “Don’t Matter” Akon (blahhh)
• “Girlfriend” Avril (Avril sucks, duh)
• “Buy U a Drank” T-pain (At least Rihanna can spell…)
• “Beautiful Girls” Sean Kingston (RUINED sample of “Stand by Me”)

So from my count it comes in as the 9th “best” song of the year……

And Perez, in my opinion the real song of the summer hasn’t even hit #1 yet:

(no surprise here)

1. “The Way I Are” Timbaland (incredible – incredible – incredible)

 Did I mention it’s INCREDIBLE? (Check out the FRENCH remix!)

*(Sigh)

20-something ladies of America give a collective sigh this week as we pop in our Mean Girls DVDs and reminisce about the good ‘ol days. Remember when Lindsay merely drank recreationally, Britney was “toxic” on the airwaves NOT around her children, and Nicole had a baby bump from rehab instead of pregnancy?

Even the new new young hollywood is a disaster…. Rumer Willis (party-child of Bruce and Demi) was caught in a drug bust this week while working on an Indie flick and Hayden Panettiere (that “Heroes” cheerleader) has been seen in and out of clubs like Les Deux or Teddys only a month before she’s legal (and not even 21 legal, we’re talking barely-old-enough-to-buy-cigarettes 18 legal!)

What can America possibly do to overcome this? How can we all, in our varying states of hollywood depression regain the care-free smiles from watching Season 1 of “The Simple Life,” or our innocent curiosity over pre-Diaz-Biel Timberlake and pre-crazy-mom Spear’s popstar relationship?

4 words………….. High School Musical 2

Seriously, have you ever seen a Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens sex-tape? This young couple on-screen and off have made headlines only for holding hands at the beach, not throwing tantrums at Hyde.

How about Ashley Tisdale? She’s 22, (older than Lindsay) and known for her You Tube fan videos and starring role on “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody,” but have you ever seen her mug shot? Of course not, it doesn’t exist yet.

Instead of wrap sheets these mini-moguls have Disney-fied acting chops and recording contracts. In fact the orginal HSM soundtrack has sold over 3.8 million copies since it’s 2006 release, just a few more than Paris’ self-titled debut of 165 thousand. Is it cheesy? Certainly. But after a dose of “We’re Breaking Free,” one can’t help but smile at the romantic simplicity of sharing a duet instead of a joint.

I say stop clicking on those depressing Lilo headlines and join me in counting down to the HSM2 premiere on August 17th. I’ll take Disneyland over Wonderland ANY day.