Better Than Rehab…

I bring the substance while Hollywood abuses it.

Archive for the ‘Akon’ Category

And you are?!?!?

Posted by kristendoc on August 16, 2007

It seems like today’s music industry is monopolized by heavy hitters. Every other song is a product of American Idol or Def Jam. Refreshingly, the following group of unknowns have hits ranging from#3 to #11 on this week’s Billboard Hot 100 chart. Today I find myself wondering, “who the hell are you??????”

Here’s what I found out:

Keri Hilson: (#3) Featured on Timbaland’s mega hit single, “The Way I Are,” this seasoned songstresss has been in the circuit since 2001, writing and singing backup for a whose-who of modern recording artists including Britney, Usher, and Diddy. Following the road paved by Ne-Yo’s songwriter transition to stardom, she’s currently recording her solo debut with Timbaland and Justin Timberlake. Lucky for her the Timba, JT, and $$$ cycle is the closest to a sure thing since Lindsay, coke, and rehab. Just like the nurses likely said as Lindsay left Promises, “We’ll definitely see her again.”

Plies: (#9) This “Shawty” artist was the original rapper on Akon and Snoop Dogg’s #1 hit “I Wanna Love You,” but lost the gig to Snoop after charges of illegal possession of a weapon hurt his reputation (but not his street cred). The charges were filed after his entourage opened random fire on the audience of a Florida show. With that kind of tendency toward violence he should go on tour with “loose-canon” Akon and we can all collectively NOT attend the show together. Proving that craziness sells (case in point, Britney Spears), Plies’ album debuted at #2 this week, selling just under 100k copies.

Hurricane Chris: (#10) 18 year old Shreveport, Louisiana native, Chris Dooley was inspired by chanting at a DJ Hollyhood Bay Bay concert into molding the phrase “A Bay Bay” into Shreveport’s version of the popular slang “fo sho.” (Somebody please explain the correlation to me…) Apparently ATL’s Collipark got it. He signed the Hurricane to J Records this year, and “A Bay Bay” the single is in the top ten on Billboard. In other news Shreveport calls popular “hyphy” or “crunk” music by the name “ratchet.” WTF?

Soulja boy: (#11) Apparently teenage rappers are the new pink. 17 year old Soulja’s “Crank That” jumped to #11 after only 5 weeks charting. Rapping since the age of 9, Soulja moved from Atlanta to Mississippi to live with his dad and kickstart his career. “I took the hood to where the money was at” he explains. Soulja perfected his sound and returned to his mom at 15 where he too was signed by Mr. Collipark, “I was like I gotta get my momma out of this right here.” He did just that. Of his first performance he says “The show was so crunk that I was worried about doing a wack show.” Ok, wack and crunk I understand. Maybe Soulja could translate for Hurricane??? A Bay Bay.

To recap: Timbo’s taking Keri to the top, Plies is angry like Akon, Hurricane Chris speaks his own language, and Soulja Boy is a momma’s boy.

Let’s get it ratchet!

Posted in Akon, Britney Spears, Collipark, Diddy, Hurricane Chris, Justin Timberlake, Keri Hilson, Lindsay Lohan, Plies, Snoop Dogg, Soulja Boy, Timbaland, Usher | 3 Comments »

Not to rain on your parade…

Posted by kristendoc on August 15, 2007

No Perez, “Umbrella” is NOT the song of the summer.

Hey TMZ, when you call it the undisputed summer song of 2007  you’re wrong.

Jeeez

For informational purposes, I’ve provided you with  a short list of 2007 Hot 100 #1 songs that are better (and why):

  • “Irreplaceable” Beyonce (addicting, but not irritating)
  • “What goes around… Comes around” Justin Timberlake (deliciously spiteful)
  • “Say It Right” Nelly Furtado (cool as hell)
  • “This is Why I’m Hot” MIMS (simplistic yet true message)
  • “Glamorous” Ferge (fabulous and fun)
  • “Give it to me” Timbaland (turns my car into a dance hall EVERY TIME)
  • “Makes Me Wonder” Maroon 5 (so singable)
  • “Hey There Delilah” Plain White T’s (lovely and real)

However it is not the worst song either, “Umbrella” is better than the following 2007 number #1s:

  • “Don’t Matter” Akon (blahhh)
  • “Girlfriend” Avril (Avril sucks, duh)
  • “Buy U a Drank” T-pain (At least Rihanna can spell…)
  • “Beautiful Girls” Sean Kingston (RUINED sample of “Stand by Me”)

So from my count it comes in as the 9th “best” song of the year……

And Perez, in my opinion the real song of the summer hasn’t even hit #1 yet:

(no surprise here)

1. “The Way I Are” Timbaland (incredible – incredible – incredible)

 Did I mention it’s INCREDIBLE? (Check out the FRENCH remix!)

Posted in Akon, Avril Lavigne, Beyonce, Fergie, Justin Timberlake, Maroon 5, MIMS, Nelly Furtado, Perez Hilton, Plain White T's, Rihanna, Sean Kingston, T-Pain, Timbaland, TMZ | 1 Comment »

 
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